whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
