Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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