How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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