I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
