oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
