how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
