I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
