So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
