I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
