hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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