Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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