hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
