Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who died my cat blue again?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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