You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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