last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
