just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
