My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
