Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
