the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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