fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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