Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
