Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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