Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
