Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
