what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
