Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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