When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
