I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
