yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
