..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
