So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
