I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
