i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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