I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
