Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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