My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
