I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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