so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
