they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
