Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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