I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
