i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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