yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
