whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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