i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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