there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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