So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
