That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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