I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
