I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
