I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
