I am puke
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize