Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
