I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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