Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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