It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
