You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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