? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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