dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
whose parrot is this?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
