that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
