i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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