I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
