I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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