Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize