My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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